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"Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love. Everything is united by it alone. Love is God, and to die means that I, a particle of love, shall return to the general and eternal source."

Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace


After 24 years of life, I find myself to be thankful, happy, and thoroughly amazed. I know this year will bring new challenges and new adventures, and I am so grateful to be spending it surrounded by the loving people I call friends and family. I have big plans for this year, and I hope to accomplish some big goals (getting our own place, graduating, etc).
I can tell this is going to be a good year, I can feel it in my bones.

After 24 years of life, I find myself to be thankful, happy, and thoroughly amazed. I know this year will bring new challenges and new adventures, and I am so grateful to be spending it surrounded by the loving people I call friends and family. I have big plans for this year, and I hope to accomplish some big goals (getting our own place, graduating, etc).

I can tell this is going to be a good year, I can feel it in my bones.

Tagged as: life, birthday, 24, goals, personal,

Good grief, I haven’t written anything on here in a while! 

Life is moving too fast (as usual) these days, that I barely have had any extra time to spend! But, since I have a bit of time, I thought I’d post a little something about my life recently…

Things with Linda & Chris are much better (mostly with Linda, but that’s what’s really important, right?) which is definitely a relief…considering it felt like things were never going to get better. But they did, and they are. We met little Rye in person for the first time Easter weekend, and boy do I miss that little ball of chubs! He’s quit big, over 20lbs & only 6 months old! :D And of course, he’s adorable :D

Omied and Rachael are expecting their baby any day now, really! Which means I’ll be an Auntie for the 2nd time within a year! Yay! :D They still haven’t quite decided on a name yet…and/or are just keeping it from the rest of us…which is understandable, lol. But anywho, just so excited to meet the other little man!

Sahar is graduating and turning 18 in about a month, which is crazy! Idk when she got to be so old!

Which reminds me, I am turning 24 in about a week! Ack! I had been feeling a little overwhelmed, but I’m coming around to being happy for my birthday, lol. My best friend will be visiting from Philly, so I am SO excited to see her, and have her here for my birthday! Honestly, I don’t think we’ve celebrated a birthday together since senior year of high school! & she’s bringing her little dove, MJ, with her too! I am very much looking forward to more babies to snuggle with, as I am having withdrawals from my nephew who lives too far away :(

Work is going well, it’s a bit slow at the coffeeshop still, which is only annoying because it means that while we’re working, we often don’t have a lot to do (boredom is so…boring) & they cut our hours until we actually need to be there more often :/ This puts a slight damper on K & I’s plans to move out…but we’re still trying to do so ASAP! I might have mentioned on here that we were considering buying a house…but we decided to postpone those plans by a year, and spend the next year saving up to do so! However, finding a suitable rental has been quite difficult…we just want a 1bd place that has a full kitchen, washer/dryer in unit & allows dogs… preferably with a yard & either in La Mesa (close to my job), or in Pacific Beach (close to Kyle’s job)…and also preferably under $900. I know the right place is out there, we just haven’t found it yet. I got Kyle to compromise a little bit on the washer/dryer front…and as long as the complex has coin-less (aka free) laundry facilities, he’s willing to consider it, lol.

School is moving along quite quickly, I’m about to finish my last Foundations of Teaching classes, so this upcoming term I am taking my big FoT test which covers all the FoT classes I’ve taken (Classroom Management, Diversity & Inclusion, Schools & Society, Testing & Assessments) and is incredibly important…I am also signing up to take the CBEST & get my California Background Clearance done & preparing my professional portfolio so that I can start doing my in-class observations!

Life has been keeping us quite busy! But it sure feels nice to be moving forward towards some big goals :)


Tagged as: life, personal, rambling, yadayada,


As Kyle and I try to piece together the puzzle that is our shared life…a metaphorical cat usually gets in the way…
but
these days, we seem to be quite effectively working our way around the giant fat cat, and it’s been pretty nice :)

As Kyle and I try to piece together the puzzle that is our shared life…a metaphorical cat usually gets in the way…

but

these days, we seem to be quite effectively working our way around the giant fat cat, and it’s been pretty nice :)

Maybe it’s because Kyle started his first day at his new and exciting job, or maybe it’s all this San Diego sunshine…but whatever it is, I’m happily optimistic right now :)

It might also have something to do with the fact that I’ve really come at peace with the decision I’ve made to stick it out here in SD. I know that I’ve been toying with the idea…and I’ve been guilted toying with the idea of moving to the Bay Area…but this past weekend/week I really decided to commit to a decision. And the decision is to stay. It feels nice having a game plan…so for those of you who haven’t heard my non-stop moaning complaining decision wavering, here’s the break down.

Rather than move to the Bay Area to be there to help/support/keep company my brother and his preggo fiance…I’ve decided to stick around, save up, and buy a home to call our own here in SD. I had a moment of clarity a few days ago, and realized that my hesitation to move is only slightly influenced by the guilt/need I have to help my family…and more so exists because I just feel old. I know, that sounds silly…but what I mean is, I’m turning 24 in May…and I feel like that period of my life where I can move wherever/do whatever is pretty much over. I have been planning on settling down and starting my family around 27-29…which is now only 3-5 years away (yikes!). I’d rather spend the next 3-5 years building stable roots in San Diego because this is where Kyle & I have always wanted to build our life together. Seattle was fun, and I’ll always miss it…and hopefully we’ll be able to visit a lot over the years…but it’s just too far away for us to raise our kids. I want our kids to be around their grandparents for as long as possible, especially around my Dad while he still has time to have an influence on their lives. So while I try to remind myself that we’re really not “running out of time” (yeah, I know, I’m a little crazy), I’m glad to finally be at peace with this decision. Plus, Omied’s only going to be in school for another year…it seems silly for us to try to make the whole moving up there thing work (moving, finding a new place, finding new jobs, making new connections) if after a year, he & Rachel decide they want to move to SoCal…which they might. So although I know that they might appreciate the support Kyle and I would be able to provide them, it’s really not my sole responsibility. And I don’t want that to sound harsh, mean, or ungrateful. I love my brother, he’s one of my best friends…but I’m sure he’ll understand. Plus, we happen to have an older, much wiser sister who lives in the area…if she decided to become a little more involved, I’m sure Omied would appreciate it, haha.

So, ramblings aside…I’m excited for our new plan…it makes me happy to be working towards a goal that Kyle and I are so excited for! :)


2 notes
Tagged as: life, rambling, personal,

having a weird weekend, here’s a little recap:

-craptastic day sitting thanks to all the temper tantrums my normally amazing girls decided to throw

-kyle found $100 on the floor yesterday

-the universe hates us so we were swindled out of $200, also yesterday

-awkward phone call with my older sister was awkward. thankfully she re-brought up the incident of last year’s christmas fiasco including the $400 we unrightfully owe their friends for whom we were house-sitting (of course she turned it into $800-$1000)…yeah that’s right, somehow we owe THEM money for watching THEIR house…(what’s that? they’re doing it wrong?)

>.<  can we please fast-forward through the rest of the weekend? i have a bad feeling it’s only going to get worse (yes, i just requested to fast-forward through a weekend)




every now and then, I get the temptation to hide&#8230;

every now and then, I get the temptation to hide…

I think I kind of like my new job…oh, did I mention I got a new job being a Teacher’s Assistant at Sylvan?

Yeah, that happened. It’s okay, it’s not great…but maybe I’m just being nit-picky. I’m only getting paid $.50 more than minimum wage…and it’s a ton of boring work…but it’s a job, right?

Thinking about getting a second job maybe in retail…I’m actually qualified for a managerial position which would hopefully mean that I would make a lot more than I’m making now, lol. Or maybe I’ll pick up another food related job…getting tips is awwweessome! More importantly, I’m just not going to get that many hours at Sylvan, so I’m sure I’ll get quickly bored with just doing this and school (I have issues).

Anyway, I’m bored (if that wasn’t obvious) and waiting for time to pass a little quicker…soon I have to go pick up Sahar from the movies…and then I have to pick up Kyle from being social, lol. Then I get to come home & cozy up with my man :)

Tomorrow I am being trained to proctor exams (whoo!) which should be fun (do I have a weird definition of fun? probably).

Until next time, love(s).

(Seriously, who reads these other than Sarah & maybe a few select other RL friends, haha).




too true.

too true.


this is me, 90% of the time.

this is me, 90% of the time.


I am so tired of waiting, and having my life choices depend on things that are out of my control.
I hate to come off as selfish, or ungrateful, but I think it&#8217;s time that we move forward in a direction that makes us happy.
Though I admit, I&#8217;m not looking forward to this conversation with my parents, but ideally, Kyle and I will soon be &#8220;free&#8221;. Alright, I know I&#8217;m being a little melodramatic, lol. Technically we&#8217;ve always been free&#8230;I just get so burdened with guilt and this need to help my family, that I forget to take care of myself, and us.
Though the big question still remains: &#8220;where will we go?&#8221; / &#8220;where will we end up?&#8221;
and I don&#8217;t quite have answers to either of those questions&#8230;but I think I&#8217;d rather go back to being uncertain in our own space that we&#8217;ve established independently, than have it depend on my family.
/rant

I am so tired of waiting, and having my life choices depend on things that are out of my control.

I hate to come off as selfish, or ungrateful, but I think it’s time that we move forward in a direction that makes us happy.

Though I admit, I’m not looking forward to this conversation with my parents, but ideally, Kyle and I will soon be “free”. Alright, I know I’m being a little melodramatic, lol. Technically we’ve always been free…I just get so burdened with guilt and this need to help my family, that I forget to take care of myself, and us.

Though the big question still remains: “where will we go?” / “where will we end up?”

and I don’t quite have answers to either of those questions…but I think I’d rather go back to being uncertain in our own space that we’ve established independently, than have it depend on my family.

/rant

Life never ceases to amaze me.

I know I haven’t posted a written update in a while…so let’s catch up on a few things:

  • my bestest bess fran came out to SD for a whole week! :D it was magical and amazing…we haven’t lived in the same city since 2007 (whaa?!) so seeing her so often really made me miss her more once she left :(
  • the owner of the restaurant I work(ed) at randomly struck up a conversation with me about why I think I “carry more weight than the other girls”…yes, ladies and gentlemen you heard (read) that correctly. He then proceeded to ask me about my eating habits, whether I ate a lot of bread and pasta…reminded me that “just because a doughnut is vegan doesn’t make it healthy”, told me to start a food log for the next 3-4 days so he could tell me what I was doing wrong, and the icing on the cake: told me that if I had a flat stomach like my coworker, I’d look phenomenal. Yes, I know, that’s a lawsuit in the works…blah blah blah…at this point…I’m over the whole situation and don’t want to pursue any legal action aside from my formal complaint. But I will admit that it was a blow to my self-confidence. I know in my brain, that I am not overweight…unfortunately, that doesn’t mean that I have very much confidence. Honestly, hearing something like that was hurtful to the little confidence I’ve managed to grow over the years. Body acceptance isn’t easy to have…so I’m still struggling with my own crazy emotions/feelings about the whole thing.
  • I may have passively mentioned that my brother & his FIANCE are pregnant! crazy, I know!
  • Oh yeah, and my brother is now engaged to his FIANCE! haha…I’m really happy for them (if you can’t tell).
  • So grateful to have had a job interview earlier today! I think (hope) it went well, the ladies that were interviewing me were super nice and seemed to like the answers I was giving. It’s with the Sylvan Learning center as a Teacher’s Aide, which will be a great step into the direction I want to take my life in!
  • I’m considering doing some work with Americorp and eventually Teach for America when I’m done with school…my biggest ambition is to use my degree to help those who need it the most anyway…plus I’ll take all the help I can get to help me pay for school :)
  • I always struggle to try to make some sort of decision as to where I want to move/re-establish ourselves…and I realized today that I think we are probably going to stay in SD for a while…now don’t get me wrong, I love this city and the friends who are here, and it will always be home…but Kyle and I started looking into moving out on our own…and were reminded why we moved away in the first place…sigh. It is just so crazy expensive :(
  • I don’t know how or why I am the way I am…but my mild anxiety/depressed moods have been taking their toll again lately. Hopefully this new job will help boost my spirits…I’m just in a weird rut that I can’t find a way out of. I suppose it’s partly life’s stresses…added with the fact that I am an emotional over thinker. On the bright side, Kyle does a gosh darn great job at making me feel better about everything. In every way shape and form, he’s my rock.

I’m sure this has bored you all, so thanks internet for being a good friend and listening (haha! I’m really just talking to you few friends who are nice enough to read my silly ramblings, you know who you are!).

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leilockheart:

by John Green

leilockheart:

by John Green

Skyped with my one month old nephew, Rye yesterday…and listened to the heartbeat of my unborn niece/nephew today.

Oh baby, baby! :)



Maybe it’s because I always try to find the silver lining…or maybe it’s because my new job has grown on me…either way, I’ve been pretty happy at work recently.

So long as the owner doesn’t ridicule me for silly things.

I love having E. as our “new” manager. He’s just so adorable, and when he’s not bitching about silly things (luckily never at me, just with me), he’s just so gosh darn excited about improving the restaurant that his energy is contagious. Not to mention how much I like all of my other co-workers, including everyone in the kitchen (minus the one dishwasher who gives me the flirtatious creeps…in a bad way).

Though it can be stressful, and yet simultaneously boring…I’m pretty happily comfortable at my work place. I enjoy interacting with the customers & talking about food, just as much as I enjoy goofing around with my co-workers.

I get paid an extra dollar an hr everytime I work a “guide” shift, which is nice…& we all get along so well, it’s fantastic. No drama, just good vibes while making money, & indulging in delicious organic vegan & gluten free food (the gluten free part is my least favorite part, but honestly I never miss it, our meals are so gosh darn delicious!)





Night Breezes Seem to Whisper, I Love You.

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I'm dreaming a little dream, I'm singing a little song, I'm laughing a big laugh, and I'm loving a big love. This is where my thoughts hang out.

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