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Stars Shining Bright Above You


It really is that simple, these day I just don’t know what to do. My mom called me while I was at work today, her voice was quivering and she sounded completely terrified. This is it, we’re down to 16 days until my Dad’s surgery and there’s no telling what will happen. I feel helpless. There’s nothing I can do to make this better for my Dad, or my Mom, or myself…or anyone in my family. My Dad’s been unable to get new international time cards, so the last time I spoke to him on the phone (nearly 3 months ago) might be the last time we talked. He wrote us all a long email, and I can’t stop re-reading it. I can’t even fathom where to begin in order to respond, I can’t find the words to express how I feel, or how I’ve felt over the years. I just don’t know what to say. This next week will be unimaginably difficult. I hate that I don’t really have anyone to talk to about any of this. Obviously, I know I have friends who I can talk to, but I can’t stand the awkwardness of sympathetic silence and repeatedly being told how sorry everyone is and how they’re sure things will turn out alright. I know my friends love me and just want to help make me feel better, but honestly, there is nothing anyone can do to comfort me at this point. I’m wretched with anxiety, guilt, and and overwhelming sadness. It’s times like these that I wished I believed in a higher power, the comfort of faith calls to me. Unfortunately, I can’t fool myself into pretending that I don’t believe. I’m trying to seek solace in believing that what happens is up to the universe, but truly letting go and accepting that thought is difficult. Instead, I think I’ll alternate from hiding in my books and Kyle’s warm embrace. When inconsolable, I’m a comfort seeker…yummy food, teas, books, my bed, Kyle, my family, and friends…these are the things I need to stock up on before the emotional storm of the next few days hits. For an anxiety ridden control freak like me, not knowing what to do is an option I’m not willingly going to accept.

It really is that simple, these day I just don’t know what to do.

My mom called me while I was at work today, her voice was quivering and she sounded completely terrified. This is it, we’re down to 16 days until my Dad’s surgery and there’s no telling what will happen. I feel helpless. There’s nothing I can do to make this better for my Dad, or my Mom, or myself…or anyone in my family. My Dad’s been unable to get new international time cards, so the last time I spoke to him on the phone (nearly 3 months ago) might be the last time we talked. He wrote us all a long email, and I can’t stop re-reading it. I can’t even fathom where to begin in order to respond, I can’t find the words to express how I feel, or how I’ve felt over the years. I just don’t know what to say.

This next week will be unimaginably difficult. I hate that I don’t really have anyone to talk to about any of this. Obviously, I know I have friends who I can talk to, but I can’t stand the awkwardness of sympathetic silence and repeatedly being told how sorry everyone is and how they’re sure things will turn out alright. I know my friends love me and just want to help make me feel better, but honestly, there is nothing anyone can do to comfort me at this point.

I’m wretched with anxiety, guilt, and and overwhelming sadness.

It’s times like these that I wished I believed in a higher power, the comfort of faith calls to me. Unfortunately, I can’t fool myself into pretending that I don’t believe.

I’m trying to seek solace in believing that what happens is up to the universe, but truly letting go and accepting that thought is difficult. Instead, I think I’ll alternate from hiding in my books and Kyle’s warm embrace. When inconsolable, I’m a comfort seeker…yummy food, teas, books, my bed, Kyle, my family, and friends…these are the things I need to stock up on before the emotional storm of the next few days hits. For an anxiety ridden control freak like me, not knowing what to do is an option I’m not willingly going to accept.

10 notes
 Tagged as: lost, late night musings, anxiety, personal, life, sigh,
  1. embraceandovercome reblogged this from simplysety
  2. michelletree said: I’m not sure if this helps, but it were me I would say something like, “I love you. Thank you for building this incredible life for me. I will cherish it.” and I’m not sure what else. Maybe things that are personal.
  3. davidgilmoursnipples said: I know I’m just an internet random and I’ve probably never talked to you before and I know this probably won’t do anything, but I’m thinking of you and your family, and I really hope your dad pulls through <3
  4. simplysety posted this


Night Breezes Seem to Whisper, I Love You.

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I'm dreaming a little dream, I'm singing a little song, I'm laughing a big laugh, and I'm loving a big love. This is where my thoughts hang out. You know you like them :)

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